He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Randomize