Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
