I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
