We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize