shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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