we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
