Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
