I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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