My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
