Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
