Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
