you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
