For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
