I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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