first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
