Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yo dont text me then not text me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
