it hurts more in the daytime
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
