i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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