Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

He disabled his match.com account in front of me

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(705): View more from Ontario

it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob

Fav 47 5209 2219
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(563): View more from Iowa

Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.

Fav 17 1496 4060
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits

Fav 15 1227 4283
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(416): View more from Toronto

He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.

Fav 2 2367 1143
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(708): View more from Illinois

you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato

Fav 4 2817 825
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.

Fav 9 1593 914
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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.

Fav 5 723 999
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(719): View more from Colorado

If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?

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