so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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