I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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