Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize