Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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