I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
