Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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