apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize