3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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