Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
