Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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