she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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