she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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