i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
