the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
