Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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