Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
