just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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