I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
