When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize