Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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