we have pet lesbian snakes
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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