haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
