I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
