Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We left the knife in your bed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
