he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
