I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
