Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
false alarm, still single
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
