So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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