I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
