dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
