you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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