forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
