nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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