Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
