chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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