She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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