if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
