Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
