i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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