no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize