saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
