They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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