Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
