i just wanna soil my oats bro
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
