dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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