I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
