She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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