sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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