she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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